Sunday, 9 March 2014
It takes me a lot of thinking and conviction every time I want to start blogging again, because I always start it with the sincere intentions to actually commit to updating regularly or semi-regularly... Unfortunately, I rarely pull through. This year, I really want to change that. I realise that one thing that really stops me from blogging so often is that I'm scared of being too honest. Strange. I mean, chances are no one I know in real life would know this blog exists, and in many ways, it's my virtual sanctuary. I feel an unfounded connection to this space (yes, I have attachment issues lol). Anyway, I guess... I want to share more of personal life. This is my space to offload and if I feel restricted here as well, then, when will I get to be true to myself? So now that I've learnt to really look at this space as a well that will absorb my thoughts and worries, I'm going to worry less about who may ever stumble upon this blog and just let my thoughts run free.
Honestly, I've always have commitment problems, and I don't mean specifically in the realm of relationships, but in regards to life generally. I always start things, and leave them unfinished. I embark on learning new things, then give up halfway. I know people say the first step is always hardest... but for me, I find it a lot easier to start things then to follow through with them. So, this year... I've decided to really challenge myself. I've taken on a lot of responsibility and decided to put my foot down and commit to being a team leader this year in AIESEC. I've decided to aim high and set goals that I know will scare me, but will force me to work harder. I really want to continue to challenge myself and stop limiting myself.
Today, I had to finalise the selection of my team members for the year. It's a bit daunting and nerve-wracking... To think that these people will be working with me for the whole year as a team, and hopefully as friends. I'm quite happy with my selection. It's funny though, how things never turn out the way I expected. I didn't anticipate this being my final team for some reason. However, I'm really open to getting to know everyone and seeing how everyone plugs into the team dynamics. It's really interesting how diverse humans really are. I already feel protective of my team (damn, maternal instincts?! I'm too young for this -.-) and hope they all will develop to become better versions of themselves, and I hope to be able to meet their expectations. I want them to truly connect and feel included in the team, and in turn, work hard for the EPs. I really want to make a bigger impact this year with the Delivery team, and form really lasting connections with the EPs. I want to make sure every EP feels supported and do embark on an EP Journey. I'm really excited to 'deliver' and innovate... It's exciting being able to work in a team. But not only that, I'm excited to work alongside Jess and Pansy.
Besides that, I also caught up with a bunch of high school friends today because we had high tea at The Tea Room (woo, ticking that off my bucket list!) for Livia's 21st. Man, it feels so strange that everyone is turning 21 yet despite having already turned 21, I barely feel any difference (for shame!). As always, it was really nice catching up with high school peeps because it makes me realise how much has changed since I last saw them, all the new experiences I've 'collected' and it's nice to see how much they've changed as well. I feel like I feed off other people - when I see them doing all these cool new things, I want to push myself to try new things too. Not out of jealousy, but moreso because I feel inspired and I realise that I'm only this young once. That being said, catching up with high school peeps always brings about that feeling of inadequacy... because I always feel like I don't have a clear direction of what I want professionally. I guess there's no point beating myself up over it though, everything takes time and I really need to learn to be comfortable to go at my own pace and stop comparing myself to others and expecting to be at the same place they want to be. It's hard but I want to be able to feel comfortable taking my time to think through my steps because I don't want to end up having a quarter life crisis because I rushed into chasing an illusory dream because it's what everyone else seems to be doing. I want to know that every step I take is towards my bigger goal of happiness and contentment.
Posted by LYCHII at 08:13