BALLOONS

Credit: tumblr

It’s amazing to think back of my childhood, and the memories just come flooding in. It’s strange the things that used to mean so much to me. I remember how we used to go to yum cha every weekend as a family and eat all this food and get the balloons they always gave us and it would literally be the highlight of my day - it was like the biggest perk, those helium balloons. I can’t help but smile at the memories. We used to tie the balloons to our wrists and protect it when we walked around Cab to grocery shop, so sometimes we should shift it to one another to get out of having to be super careful when walking, because it’d hit other people or we were scared of it flying away (it always sucked when they flew away). Then once we got into the car, we’d have to hold it between our legs so it wouldn’t obscure the view of Dad driving. And once we got home we’d get so excited to release it and have it hit the ceiling… and then we’d leave it on top of the white cupboard we used to have; and once it got deflated, we’d throw it out. And repeat for the next week. I don’t know why we loved balloons so much but we just did. It’s just like how we treasured those gumball machines so much (and back then, the gold coin ones were super expensive to me) and also those little car and machines that used to be in front of the stores in Cab. 

I miss my childhood sometimes. 

ROCKETEER

Here we go... Come with me ... Take my hand ... Close your eyes ... Let's fly away

The grammar nazi in me wished there was an apostrophe. But screw that, I'm not perfect either. (credit: tumblr)

It's hard to say I'm an ambitious person, because at the very core, I'm not. I'm a dreamer. I have all these little ideas in my head, these little mental photographs that I wish were true... I have dreams, not ambitions. I don't actively pursue them, because that's not who I am. I cherish the ideas and how they make me feel. I cling to the tiny happiness that the thoughts bring me because I know that we have to be careful what we wish for, because often reality tarnishes the beauty of dreams. This may be foolish and silly, but it's who I am.

Call me practical, or call me selfish (or be nice and call me family oriented) but my goal in life is simply to be happy and eventually have my own home with a loving family. I don't have these humanitarian goals for the greater good or an overarching desire to change the world. Maybe I haven't met that side of me yet, or maybe that side of me is just... not really there. I'm a simple person and in many ways, I'm easily satisfied. I'm someone who pays more attention to the little things than grand gestures. I am proud of myself that of all the resolutions I'd made, the one that I've kept was to donate my spare change whenever I see a charity donation box. Yes, it's a small gesture but it's that release for me - knowing that my spare change can contribute to something greater, knowing that deep inside I can comfortably and happily part with my own money for someone else.. and wanting to.

However, there are times I have these creative bouts and I have these visions and ideas that I wish I could just be manifest to life. I wish to bring these ideas to life, yet it's hard. I love design and creativity and innovation and I love being surrounded by it. It inspires me and it leaves me awestruck. Yet, I feel so limited by my capabilities. I want to hone my skills. I want to bring these ideas to life. I want to be better at what inspires me, so one day, someone may feel the same way about my work. I really want to feel like I'm actually good at something, instead of just dabbling in these hobbies and not committing myself to it. Unfortunately, it seems my ultimate downfall has always revolved around my commitment phobia. But who says that can't change? Regardless of the outcome, I want to at least try.

SNAPSHOTS: CANBERRA (PT I)

Way overexposed, but I love that shade of green mixed and beige. 

As you can probably see, the flowers weren't that great. They were kind of withering. Oh welps. 

Personally, I adore capturing little moments like this. But I usually feel too shy to be snapping photos of random people.

I tried really hard to try and capture how the landscape peeked through the window like an artwork ... but there was always someone there. Sigh. 

Still not quite right :(

It's been forever since I went on the Canberra road trip. It was an amazing time, though there was the foreignness of not really knowing everyone really well. I know I'm not the greatest, nor most passionate photography but I do enjoy taking photos and I love looking back at them. It's honestly a shame to say I don't always take photos consistently and that makes me sad sometimes yet I'm also glad that I can just enjoy and revel in that moment without feeling obliged to capture the memories. I love having that private, secretive moment to commit to my memory without feeling pressured to take a photo. Another part of me feels slightly annoyed at myself and my reluctance to whip out my DSLR in awkward/public situations. I really need to get over that.

For some reason, the photos I take and the type of photos I'm drawn to are rather different. Maybe that is a sign that I should be more adventurous with my photography and take more photos that I can be drawn to. I've come to realise I really like to photograph different lines and symmetry in my photos.

PS: Any comment/criticism welcome. I honestly would love to improve my photography.

BRIEF THOUGHTS: HARUKI MURAKAMI 'AFTER DARK'

Reading a Haruki Murakami book is always a puzzle. It's a maze, but one you simply want to explore anyway. I completed the book, with a feeling of incompleteness and that's what continues to 'haunt' me. He leaves the readers to deal with the aftermath - the big questions, and the scattering of thoughts and ideas and let us make something of it from our own perspective, beliefs and experiences. 

His writing and his thoughts are often elusive, yet so alluring. I can never truly put into words the feelings his writing evokes because, like his stories, they always seem somewhat fleeting, out of reach yet utterly compelling.

THOUGHTS: THE GREAT GATSBY

Playlist: The Great Gatsby

After I finished my exams, I was finally able to go to the cinemas (in a long, long time). I met up with my friend and we headed to eat first, where I basically filled her in with my plans to travel. I don't know if it put more distance between us or not because we've had a similar discussion before where I told her I wanted to travel and she was a tad dismissive - she has wanderlust, but she feels that it's impracticable, expensive and irresponsible. She said she wanted to save for a house instead - which is reasonable. It's 'responsible' but it's definitely not what I want at this point in my life. I feel like I have the rest of my life to work towards that goal. That said, it is a dream of mine to own my own house - I cannot wait to be able to decorate it the way I want to, to create a sanctuary I call my own. I love interior design and I don't have the freedom to decorate my room the way I would like, but I don't see the rush. It's already hard enough for established people to buy a home, let alone a single twenty-something with little financial stability. I'm sure once I have a career, I would be responsible enough to save up for my home then.

Gatsby in all his glory. Sigh, my heart feels for you baby. 

Anyways, life rant aside. The Great Gatsby. It was amazing. Admittedly, I went through a very large portion of the movie feeling completely and utterly confused. However, by the end of the movie I was enthralled. The whole movie was a bit of an emotional roller-coaster. And the end had me in tears, and sad for the rest of the day. It's always fascinating when a movie has the ability to make you reflect. I prefer to go to the movies and unwind, shut my brain off and watch something mindless. Well, instead I got a movie which saw me pondering about how fleeting life and love is; how cruel and selfish we humans can be; how some people can love so powerfully and destructively whilst others can be so careless with love; how sometimes life is all but a mirage and all that we truly strive fall can fade to dust the very next second.

How can anyone break his heart? Girl, look at him!

Of course, I also fell for Leonardo DiCaprio again. Damn, I thought I was (and he was) too old for that, but apparently not. Seriously, before The Notebook made Ryan Gosling the romantic heart-throb, there was Leonardo making girls swoon since Romeo & Juliet and Titanic. How does he do it? He just has this intensity that makes him so compelling as the lovesick hero. But seriously, the poor guy needs to stop falling in love, and try stay away from water. Oh and Isla Fisher looks so different here, I felt that it was her but could barely recognise her.

I loved the colours in the movie - everything was so grand and dramatic. It was reminiscent of theatre, totally not what I expected from a movie - especially one about the 1920s. 

The sets of the film are very vivid and extravagant, and the acting was marvellous. However, I must say the movie really took off towards the end and I'm not so sure that makes for the most engaging storytelling. At the end of the day, I thoroughly enjoyed the film so I guess that didn't deter me too much. It's so unbelievable that a lot of the movie was filmed in Sydney, and apparently some people from my friend's uni actually were extras in some of the Gatsby's magnificent parties. So friggin' jealous.

They look so beautiful together. Carey Mulligan is stunning as Daisy. 

Also, the movie was so captivating that I've been inspired to actually read the book. I haven't actually started reading, but I have downloaded the e-book and emailed a copy to my iPhone as well. For anyone who is interested in reading the book, you can find a free copy of the ebook here. 

LATEST READ: THE TENTH CIRCLE

This is the latest book I've really had the time to read, and I got through it pretty quick because I was sitting in the hospital all day, thus immensely bored between my naps. However, I was pretty disappointed with this book to be honest. It started out quite fast paced and interesting, however the ending was very anti-climatic and pretty predictable.

Jodi Picoult stories tend to deal with quite heavy and controversial themes, but sometimes that can be a double edged sword. It draws the readers in, and you become intrigued in how she will deal with the selected themes but everyone has an expectation that if you want to build your story around a sensitive issue, it better be damned worth it. Here, not so much. Rape is always going to be a sensitive topic, but I think Picoult was very on-the-fence with her approach here, without being eye-opening or enlightening. Perhaps because I've gone on a personal journey with the topic of rape from not really being able to understand the ramifications of rape to becoming empathetic (don't worry, not through personal experience). So, personally I just felt that her exploration of the topic felt superficial.

I feel like the novel had a lot of potential in that there was a meeting of the novel and the graphic comic form. However, the plot itself was a letdown.

On a side note, I'm not American so I'm not really familiar with how crazy American parties are... but really? 14 year old's playing sex games like Daisy and Rainbow?! I'm not delusional nor am I a prude nor do I believe all teenagers are innocent about sex but seriously 14 is still too young to me; especially to be treating sex as a game.

MIRRORS

Playlist: Poppity Pop 


I've finished all my exams! *victory dance* Seriously, I feel so relieved and at ease at the moment. However, I'm pretty sure I bombed out on my exams. So I'm genuinely unhappy about that and disappointed with myself. I can't really do much about it now but hopefully I remember this feeling for the upcoming semester so I can stay motivated and work my butt off.

As usual, I have so many goals and aspirations but I'm always holding back because of some lame excuse I make for myself. But no more. I'm slightly proud of myself and taking baby steps into achieving my goals. First, I booked my own flights and wrote my first cheque recently! I know, not something to really celebrate, but baby steps haha. Also, I've been purchasing items I've had my eyes on. Okay, it is a tiny bit far-fetched to consider retail therapy as achieving a goal. But.. I've been pining after the Fuji Instax for literally years. Since high school, to put it into perspective. So, I'm kind of excited that I finally took the plunge and committed to buying it... with a cute pink leather case ;) Cannot wait to get my tiny hands on that beauty. Also, I bought some cosmetic products I wanted to experiment with. I've always skirted around with the idea of starting to use make up but never really did. But now that my dark circles have reached the point of atrociousness, I kind of have to use make up for fear of looking like a zombie and being a human repellent. Anyways, I'm only going to use some under eye concealer if I can get the hang of it... I am hopeless at all this make up stuff, sigh. Anyways, with the upcoming mini-break and my lovely 11am starts next semester, I can get back into wearing my contacts! I've missed those babies <3 I prefer the look of contacts, but this semester, I needed my naps on the train because of my overkill timetable.

I know I say this every time but I'm really looking forward to having a better balance next semester. I'm planning to pick up taekwondo because I've wanted to since ... early high school days. So I'm finally going to get with it because otherwise I'll never learn. I'm also thinking of playing squash at uni because I've always liked squash but don't play. I'm also planning to start gymming and getting fitter because I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with my body and certain problem areas so I'm going to have to start getting into shape because I won't be able to when I'm overseas. Which brings me to the big badass news. I am going on exchange with AIESEC. Holy crapolaaaaaaa. Biggest step out of my comfort zone ever. I'm so friggin excited though because that means I'll be overseas at the end of the year during summer break and get this - I'll be in Europe; after the exchange program I'll probably end up travelling AND am planning to spend my 21st overseas. How goddamn awesome would that be? I can't even believe all this is happening!!!